Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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