Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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