I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
