I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
