just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
