don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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