she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
