Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
