i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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