Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
