idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
