his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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