eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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