I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
