You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His hands were made for my vagina.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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