North Korea, Best Korea!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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