Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
