Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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