Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
