He is an equal opportunity slut.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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