Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
