OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
