I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My bed smells like the plague
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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