Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
