Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Houston, we have a blender
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
