Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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