I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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