Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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