Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I love you.
Bad choice
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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