Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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