P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
