Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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