Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
