i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
