my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
