It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
