I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
