It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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