I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
