I met the friendliest cop last night
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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