The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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