I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
