BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
