I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
