I bet he comes in French.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
