"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't think brook has ever known best
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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