I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
