What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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