What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Sorry about my life...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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