I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
