I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
