My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
