I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
