I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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