I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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