Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
