Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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