she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
