Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
