Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
