the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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