I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
