Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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