yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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