ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
