i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I am mentally ready for anal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
