you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
