a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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