btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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