I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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