Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
