You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
