It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
