i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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