matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
