Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
