I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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