let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
