Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.