remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party