Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police