Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.