The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.