Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
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I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
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Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.