He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.