fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...