oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
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The panties match.
I'll be right there.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
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You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.