you win again, gameday.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
