What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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