ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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